As I sit down to write this version of the newsletter, I feel calm, grateful, relaxed, safe, whole, loving, and free. I feel no rush to complete this writing and I am enjoying the simple act of flow as I see each letter paint itself gently and gracefully onto this sheet of paper. I notice excitement present at the opportunity to share what’s in my heart. As I write, I’m reminded that love is patient.

Agape has been on my mind all morning. Agape is one of four expressions of the word we refer to as “love” in Greek. The other three expressions, or types of love are eros (romantic or passionate love), philia (deep friendship or compassionate love), and a third I cannot remember at the moment. Agape is unconditional, selfless, and divine love which makes it the most all encompassing type of love. The other types of love could never fully be expressed without a strong base of agape.

Since releasing the last edition of the newsletter, I have received positive feedback particularly on the section about love. This section happened to be the most pure feeling and resonant section of the newsletter to me as well. While speaking to a fellow friend this morning, I was asked “What is the way, if not love?”, to which I responded “Peace, joy, love, truth, faith, and compassion all seem to be viable paths on this journey, however, love is the path I’ve chosen to walk. There is no other way for me.”.

My devotion to love shapes me with every passing moment. Not only is love the way, but it is also the end. As David Hawkins once said, “Love is the means and the end.”. Love is a continuous arrival with no beginning or end. Love is present right now, deepening with every breath.

Agape love is most commonly defined by its definition within the book of 1 Corinthians (First Corinthians, referring to the Apostle Paul’s first letter to the Church of the city of Corinth) in the Bible. In 1 Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4-8, Paul gives the definition of Agape love that is most commonly accepted and recognized. Some would say this is the only acceptable definition of Agape love.

Paul’s first sentence in this definition of agape simply translates to english as “Love is patient.”. While Paul continues with more attributes of Love, it would be counterintuitive and ironically impatient not to soak in the very basic truth of love being patient.

Patience is pausing before taking action. Patience is the experience of gratitude and a deep breath before getting out of bed in the morning. Patience is stopping to smell the flowers and admire the trees while out on a walk. Patience is taking a step back and asking “Why?”. Patience is the willingness to be still within a world that’s always moving.

Embodying faith by knowing you are exactly where you need to be is patient. Holding space for another’s expression is patient. Deeply listening, thoroughly processing, and intentionally responding are all patient. Taking a break is patient. Eating one bite at a time is patient. Sitting in discomfort is patient.

Life is patient. God is patient. Love is patient.

Patience is a part of our nature because our nature is love. This is why anxiety doesn’t feel good; because anxiety is embodied impatience. Anxiety is the idea that something bad may happen in the future. It is the feeling that something is wrong or will be wrong. It is the feeling that something must be done or fixed in this moment. Anxiety is the voice in your head that is highly critical or yourself and the world around you.

Anxiety perpetuates itself because we are not patient with it. When anxiety is met with anxiety, the result is the continuation of anxiety. When anxiety is met with patience, it transforms into peace. When we welcome anxiety, hold space for anxiety, and listen to anxiety patiently, lovingly, and without judgement, the purity of of our being transforms the feeling of anxiety into something much more peaceful.

Just like anxiety is peacefully transformed by patience, so are relationships. I invite you to think of a relationship that is currently challenging in your life right now. With this relationship in mind, I invite you to reflect on how this relationship has transformed over the past three years. If the relationship has transformed positively and to your liking, wonderful! If the relationship has transformed negatively, too slow for your liking, or not at all, then I invite you to reflect on how patient you’ve been with this relationship.

Do you take time to genuinely understand this person’s perspective? Do you actively listen to what they have to say from a place of non-judgement? Do you listen simply to hear this individual rather than to respond or react with your own perspective? Do you understand that transformation requires time and this person will not change overnight? If you answered no to any of these questions, I invite you to reflect on how patient you’ve been with yourself.

Do you place unrealistic expectations of yourself to experience rapid transformation? Do you take the time to listen to all parts of yourself openly and without judgement? Do you patiently hold space for the scared, angry, depressed, hopeless, shameful, doubting, and insecure parts of yourself that are desperately screaming to be seen, heard, and acknowledged in any way possible?

Do any of these questions bring up feelings of frustration? Does any part of you feel upset that you aren’t patient enough with yourself or others? If so, that’s okay. In fact, that’s great. The only time we ever have to exercise patience is now. Take a moment to be with these frustrated thoughts, unpleasant feelings, and and lonely parts of yourself that simply want to be seen and heard. No need to manipulate how you feel, judge how you are, or escape what’s here. Patiently holding space for and sitting with your experience is the greatest embodiment of patience you could possibly have.

What if they key to feeling better is patiently feeling bad? It doesn’t feel good to run away from and avoid what’s here. Consistent avoidance guarantees the persistence of what you’re running away from. All we can do is patiently endure what’s here with the understanding that it can and will yield peaceful transformation.

Have you ever considered why you may be feeling impatient, anxious, fearful, ashamed, doubtful, closed off, scared, unworthy, or like you aren’t enough? Have you considered that you might feel these ways because you actually want to? Have you considered that you want to feel these ways because they are familiar and comfortable to you? Have you adopted your negative feelings, perspectives, and ways of being because they’re all that you know and it’s more comfortable to endure what you know rather than experience the unknown? Do you truly know peace, joy, happiness, and love? Do you truly know patience?

In order to experience the unknown love you rightfully deserve, it requires you to let go of the fear, guilt, and shame that you are comfortable with, familiar with, and know all too well. To let go of our fear, guilt, and shame, we must become aware of the fact we’ve been holding onto them for dear life as an attempt to desperately continue the survival of the parts of ourselves that don’t serve us anymore. We must recognize that we’ve been holding onto these emotions through the mechanisms of resisting their potency, avoiding their processing, and ignoring they exist at all. All we have to do to let go of these feelings is cultivate a willingness to see them and be patient with them. This is as simple as saying the words “I am willing to see and be patient with the emotions I continue to hold onto but no longer serve me”.

How would you feel if your entire being were being crushed by a strong giant’s hands who had no idea you were trapped inside of his grip? You’d likely feel hurt, broken, dark, unseen, and hopeless at the giant’s ignorance to the fact you exist while he’s slowly breaking every bone in your body. While being clenched in the fist of this giant, you’d do everything you could to survive and be acknowledged. You would scream and kick and shout with all of your might desperately hoping that this powerfully ignorant giant would become aware of that fact you’re being crushed.

What if you are actually the giant, simply and innocently crushing your feelings under the weight of your own ignorance to them?

As the compassionate giant you are, you wouldn’t dare throw your feelings against the wall once you recognized their presence. You’d gently open your hand and see your feelings for the first time. You’d bring light to them, feel a heartfelt sense of empathy for the pain they must’ve endured just to survive your crushing grip, and ask if there’s anything you can do for them before you let go and part ways. Your feelings have been patiently waiting for you to release them from your suffocating grip, so it’s only right for you to have patience with them once you acknowledge their presence. The feelings say that simply recognizing them and releasing them is more than enough. They feel alive and hopeful for the first time now that they’re free. You now feel lighter than ever before after letting go of what you never realized you were carrying with you in the first place.

Patience is the gateway for peaceful transformation.

Be patient with yourself, others, and the world around you. Remember that love is patient.

With love (and patience),
Joe :)